Philly Phile | These 9 would be divine at Christmastime

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It’s the giving time of year.

So, in keeping with that spirit, how about we wish the best for everyone, and maybe a little something special for those who seem to need it on the Philadelphia sports scene?

Perhaps, say …

• Truth serum for the higher ups in the 76ers corporate conglomeration, so the likes of owner Josh Harris and even newly minted Yoda Jerry Colangelo, who was hired to oversee or overtake (your call) previously minted Yoda Sam Hinkie, can keep a dwindling fan base somewhat informed and, hence, engaged. Or even remotely interested.
• A roster list and neon-bright highlighter pen for Temple coach Matt Rhule, so he can quickly identify quality options not named “Jahad Thomas” to share with offensive coordinator Marcus Satterfield when it comes time to set the tone on offense or kickstart it when it is lifeless or on any fourth-and-short situation.
• A couple receivers with quality hands for Eagles quarterback Sam Bradford to have at his disposal, so we can legitimately end this debate of reality vs. excuses when it comes to judging arguably the most important figure in the city a good portion of each year.
• A personality for new Ruler of the Phillies Universe, Andy MacPhail, so he can cut back on the slow-talking, highfalutin snobbery that will distance the club from those who support it faster than any clueless moves or comments by former GM Ruben Amaro did.
• A spine for Eagles owner Jeffrey Lurie, so he can actually pull the trigger on Chip Kelly as either coach, GM or altogether and not let another decade drift on by after an expiration date clearly passed.
• An interpreter for Sixers coach Brett Brown, so the rest of us can grasp the points he’s trying to make in some convoluted Boston accent mixed with big words.
• Reality checks for Flyers and Phillies fans, so they can be crystal clear that title runs will not be in the offing this year, next year, and even the one after.
• A football stadium on Temple’s campus for James Kenney, so the city’s new mayor-elect can have a blast explaining to constituents how he’s all about that school on North Broad.
• A retirement by the Fanatic’s Anthony Gargano for all, so his cheesy, cherubic and forced, if not phony, “Philly, cuz” intonations that come across the airwaves never have to pierce any ears again.

Merry Christmas, everyone.

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​- Jack Kerwin  |  [email protected]
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