It’s time the Fashion Police or Style Squad or Hair Control came out of hibernation, started kicking ass and taking shears to the heads of an overpaid, unkempt society.
Major League Baseball, here’s looking at you.
Well, you know, once all the shaves and trims are outta the way.
I mean, c’mon. This is outta hand anymore. Way outta hand.
It’s not like having to see the Brad Keisels or Jake Plummers of the NFL world’s yesteryear sporting what they hoped were attention-grabbing facial growths as their careers faded to black every week or so in the fall. Now we got Planet of the Apes going against Poison, head-to-head for hours on end, in the NLDS – on national TV for all to see.
Did you get a load of Clayton Kershaw and Jacob deGrom? Yeah, me neither. One peek of Friday night’s Game 1 of the Dodgers-Mets series was enough to have me scrambling for the remote in the hopes of some laughs inspired by humor, not “gimme a break” disgust.
Sorry, it needs to be said.
Guys, beards are not cool. Never were. Never will be.
Long hair on you is not sexy and not the driving force behind chicks, or, if you prefer, other guys, giving you a come-hither glance. Never was. Never will be.
Thank the “celebrity” and the paycheck and be done with it … and then do us all a favor and clean yourself up.
It’s bad enough that you have one-year wonders such as Dallas Keuchel, Houston’s ace (of junk), step up the silliness with his “ode to ZZ Top” goatee. That act will disappear soon enough because the stuff behind it doesn’t have the staying power to keep it going.
But true talents like Kershaw, deGrom and the Cubs’ Jake Arrieta going the “look at me, me, me … I’m different, I’m original” route? Ugh, puh-leeze.
Some words to the wise: Just grow up and perform and stop relying on an appearance gimmick to ease your insecurities.
You know, like former Phillies standout Chase Utley. The somber, serious one, four years removed from his last playoff game, finally retired that stupid “soul patch” in time, at age 36, to pinch hit in the seventh inning for his new team, the Dodgers, Friday night.
Yeah, he was pathetically overmatched against deGrom. But, thing is, he looked good.
In other words, pretty much like an anti-Brian Wilson. Speaking of him, kinda wonder how the former Giants reliever and his cartoonish beard are doing these days.
- Jack Kerwin | firstname.lastname@example.org